A couple of years ago, I promised I would write the occasional massively out-of-date movie review for this blog if it served a larger pedagogical purpose. Well, that time has come around again and I am now pleased to be reviewing the Star Wars Holiday Special a mere forty-six years late.
Better, more humorous essays take a full inventory of the failure of one of the most bizarre examples of the 1970s variety show genre, featuring musical numbers by guest performers such as Jefferson Starship and Bea Arthur, who had mysteriously purchased the bar at Mos Eisley Spaceport. The show is a collage of barely-connected set pieces, some of which even sort of work, like the cartoon that introduces Boba Fett. But here are the most salient facts about the show for those who have somehow remained uninformed:
- the show’s primary characters are Chewbacca’s family back on his home world and their closest family friend, Art Carney;
- most of the dialogue is in Wookie and presented without subtitles;
- most of the show involves Chewbacca’s family waiting for him and Han Solo to get home for Life Day, the Wookie equivalent of of Thanksgiving;
- Carrie Fisher is clearly so high that she has no idea who or where she is and Mark Hamill is slathered with thick makeup to conceal his injuries from a recent auto accident
So, with those salient points in mind, imagine this:
It is American Thanksgiving Weekend, 1978 and your kids are in the rec room, watching the second-ever Star Wars production and you walk in to see the gentle child-oriented science fiction retelling of the classic hero narrative but instead…
You watch a bunch of people dressed up as ape-like creatures in fur suits speaking in unintelligible shrieks and bellows. Then the scene cuts to Chewbacca’s dad wearing a virtual reality helmet Art Carney bought him for Life Day. And he’s watching a scantily-clad Diahann Carroll doing what appears to be a phone sex ad, while drooling and masturbating and mumbling in Wookie.
What ordinary, decent parent witnessing that scene would not decide to vote for Ronald Reagan at the earliest opportunity? Fundamentally, I think people fail to understand how the realigning presidential election of 1980 was non-crazy liberal Americans responding to their state of affairs with, “alright. That’s just enough. I’m calling dad.”
Here, in British Columbia, parents have been treated to a lot of Star Wars Holiday Special moments since their last chance to cast a vote in 2020, including:
- CBC-BC’s broadcast of a ten-minute documentary celebrating a trans-identified nine-year-old boy who does exotic dancing for adult men at a strip club in Montreal and sells sex toys at a sex shop on Saturdays;
- Steamworks, Vancouver’s original brew pub, hosting exotic dancing by a trans-identified female “drag-king,” on government-prescribed testosterone, who writes highly popular social media posts about how removing the duct-tape she puts over her developing breasts for her act tear off her skin and cause her to bleed;
- the thirteen-year-old girl who died of a drug overdose in the Abbotsford homeless camp because the BC government prevented her parents from putting her in rehab and instead supplied her “safe supply” fentanyl and other opiates, starting at the age of twelve because that’s the je jure age of majority in BC when it comes to meth, opiates and puberty blockers;
- the gala fundraising dinner promoted by Global TV-BC to support the hiring of extra security for the BC government-funded Carousel Youth Theatre’s summer “drag camp” for 7-11-year old boys to learn to do exotic dancing for adult men based on false claims by its organizers that transphobic bigots planned to assault the children enrolled;
- the free cocaine-snorting and crack-smoking kits and instructions available through vending machines at local hospitals to people of all ages and mental competencies
- the three-year public showtrial to delicense BC nurse Amy Hamm for her refusal to say that women have penises;
- the eighth-grade BC teacher who taught her students a lesson on how to perform oral sex on each other and then provided each child with fruit-flavoured condoms;
- the public beatings of BC children’s safeguarding activists such as Chris Elston and Meghan Murphy by antifa while local police looked on, laughing and pointing at the assaults;
- the Canadian Bar Association’s successful effort to build on their triumph in putting serial rapists in women’s prisons and have serial violent pederasts housed in prison mother-baby units here in BC;
- the BC government’s systematic and secret provision of the chemical castration and lobotomization drug Lupron and of “safe supply” fentanyl to children as young as twelve, without the knowledge or consent of parents;
- and those are just the first ten things that crossed my mind, presented in no particular order, never mind all the innocent, troubled children BC Children’s Hospital has lobotomized, mutiliated and sterilized in the name of Genderwang.
Basically, we live in a province in which the Establishment believes that anything that horrifies ordinary, decent people must be a good idea, that anything that activates the gag reflex of a normal adult is the categorical imperative of public good.
The reason people like me are overlooking the novelty, gaffes and disorganization of John Rustad’s BC Conservative Party and throwing all in is because ordinary decent people cannot and should not tolerate another moment of living under this bizarre sadistic pornocracy.
The co-founder of Los Altos Institute, Don Todd, a Marxist philosopher who was on the original Red Scare HUAC blacklist, wrote at length about how in a any true socialist society, common sense, as advocated by American revolutionary philosopher Thomas Paine, sits at the foundation of any true free and democratic society. While, like all other terms, it has been battered and abused, Rustad is absolutely right to centre his election rhetoric around this principle. The reason we are not just failing as humans but as great apes (orangutans and bonobos wouldn’t “complicate” or “problematize” antifa’s young masked men beating up women in the street; their innate primate common sense would cover that) is that we have become alienated from our basic sense of disgust and revulsion, a fundamental aspect of the common sense that makes democracy possible.
And it is common sense stripping away the credibility of premier David Eby every day.
For those unaware of our premier’s long track record of contempt for ordinary, decent people and our gag reflex, let me take a moment to acquaint you with its highlights:
- working with now-disbarred lawyer John Richardson in 2002-04, Eby formed the PIVOT legal society to “advocate” for Downtown Eastside drug addicts to bribe addicts with cigarettes and hard drugs to swear out false affidavits alleging illicit assaults by police that never took place;
- other than defending Richardson against charges of resisting arrest and assaulting an officer, the only time Eby ever set foot in court as a lawyer was to make a constitutional challenge against the Criminal Code of Canada’s definition of aggravated sexual assault; Eby’s HIV-positive client had had sex without notifying his partners of his medical status and Eby argued that people with HIV and AIDS shouldn’t have to tell their sexual partners;
- supporting, as head of the BC Civil Liberties Association, the Mormon fundamentalist compound in Bountiful, BC’s right to engage in the cross-border sex trafficking of underage girls based on their freedom to practice their “religion”;
- naturally, then it should surprise no one that as BCCLA president, Eby argued that every fetish, including pedophilia, should enjoy the same legal protection as same-sex attraction.
Let’s be clear: the choice in this election is not a conventional one. The fact that I happen to personally like and know a bunch of BC Tory activists, some of whom are former NDP elected officials is actually neither here nor there. This election is about whether we continue to accept being ruled by monsters, freaks, perverts and ghouls. As a child, I never understood how or why the adults voted for Reagan. But now, I’m voting for John Rustad because this can’t go on any longer.
I’m calling dad.